Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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