Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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