3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
