Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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