Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
