I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
