Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
