break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
