matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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