I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
