What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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