Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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