gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
