I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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