okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize