i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
