Have you finally orgasmed yet?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
