I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
