We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
