ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
