i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pants are for mortals
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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