She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
