god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
