walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
