When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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