I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i out mim tonsoeep
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
