He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
