I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
