The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
