Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
