i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
