rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
