Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
