he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize