i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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