Swine flu. Run for my life!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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