Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
