I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
