I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
