I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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