We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
