sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
