It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
