She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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