Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
