Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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