your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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