this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
