Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
