Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize