im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
