How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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