I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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