the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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