And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
