I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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