Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
