Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
