i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
