I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
