Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
