The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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