So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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