i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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