I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
