After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
