guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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