Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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