I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
